> 
> A Day in the Life of a USMC Company 
> Commander, Circa  2015 
> By Lt. Col. Merrill L. Bartlett 
> 
> The two-hour drive from his quarters in the military housing complex in 
> East Los Angeles to the amphibious base out in the desert at 29 Palms 
> allowed Eric Smith-Jones ample opportunity to reflect on his budding 
> military career. After matriculation from the Joint Services Defense 
> Academy, Little Rock, with a B.S. degree in social engineering, he
> accepted 
> a commission in the Marine Corps. By  that time, in 2010, the service 
> academies had already been combined during the second term of President Al
> 
> Gore. West Point became a shelter for homeless veterans, Annapolis was 
> turned into a treatment center for victims of sexual harassment within the
> 
> defense forces, and the former Air Force Academy at Colorado Springs
> became 
> the site of all of the war colleges (now called "defense colleges") 
> combined at the site. 
> Then, in the first administration  of President Hilary Rodham Clinton, it 
> was determined that the term "Marine"  or "Marine Corps" was simply too 
> macho, sexist and violent; the spirited organization became the U. S. 
> Amphibious Corps. Also, traditional ranks fell to  the floor of the
> cutting 
> room. A civilian bureaucrat in the Pentagon concluded them too elitist,
> and 
> that they tended to traumatize lower-ranking members of  the defense 
> establishment. As a consequence, Amphibians held the rank germane to their
> 
> position and not a traditional rank. Also, salutes had been replaced by
> the 
> suggestion that juniors merely wave at seniors and offer a cheery, "Have a
> 
> good day." 
> Shortly after Smith-Jones's commissioning, the  entire First Division, U. 
> S. Amphibious Corps, relocated to 29 Palms. For years, hungry 
> environmentalists and real estate developers had cast their eyes on Camp 
> Pendleton because of its pristine location along miles of Southern 
> California's beautiful beaches. This ad hoc group finally won the day,
> when 
> it  convinced the federal government to declare the base a sanctuary for
> an 
> endangered species, Canus latrans (coyote). 
> Company commander Smith-Jones was met at the company CP by an 
> anxious-looking executive  officer. "Big Trouble at the Enlisted-Persons 
> Social Center (formerly, the "Enlisted Men's Club", and then the "Enlisted
> 
> Persons' Club") last night, sir. Four of our gay Amphibians were dancing 
> together at the club, and a gang  of straight Amphibians jumped them on
> the 
> way back to the dormitory. The injured gay Amphibians are in the hospital.
> 
> Battalion and regiment are aware of the incident, and the word is that the
> 
> battalion-6 is furious." 
> "So, tell me some good news for a change." 
> "I don't have any, company commander. I've had to cancel our company 
> training exercise planned  for today, because we simply didn't have enough
> 
> troops." 
> "What?  Out of a company of more than 200 Amphibians?" 
> "First, division  levied a quota of one platoon to work at the homeless 
> shelter in town; I gave  that assignment to first platoon." "Then, the 
> division EAO (ethnic-awareness officer) notified the duty officer last 
> night that the second platoon's EAT (ethic-awareness test) scores had 
> fallen below the divisiona1s benchmark. So, an emergency contact team is
> on 
> its way over, and the second platoon will spend its day in the battalion 
> classroom undergoing remedial EAT instruction."  "The same fate befell the
> 
> third platoon, because its SAT (sexual  awareness test) scores had 
> plummeted sharply. Another emergency contact team is on 
> its way out, and I reserved the regimental classroom for SAT instruction 
> which should use up the entire day. The third platoon will participate in
> a 
> reading and discussion of the book, Heather Has Two Mommies.  Then, they 
> will see the movie, "The Gunny has a Boyfriend." 
> "So,  what happened to the weapons platoon and headquarters  section?" 
> "Sir, between the two of them, I can't muster a squad. As  you may recall,
> 
> we were required to stop discharging men and women who were  HIV-positive 
> and merely to segregate them. We put all of them in the machinegun
> section, 
> but today is a compulsory instruction on safe sex for all HIV-positive 
> Amphibians. I had no choice but to cancel the machinegun-firing  exercise.
> 
> The headquarters section is also down to almost zero effectives as  well, 
> sir. The Okinawan-spouses, Somali-spouses, Panamanian-spouses, 
> Haitian-spouses, Albanian-spouses, and Kosovar-spouses  clubs are meeting 
> at mainside with their Amphibian-spouses, and attendance is mandatory. The
> 
> remainder of the section is meeting with their attorneys with regard to a 
> host of legal problems and class-action  suits." 
> "What about the rest of the week?" 
> "Sir, the  physical fitness test for tomorrow has been canceled because
> the 
> attorney for  the women-Amphibians has obtained a ruling from a federal 
> judge that the test is discriminatory in that it requires the women to 
> achieve the same scores as the men. And, after the other rulings, I
> thought 
> it best to just cancel the  personnel inspection scheduled for Friday." 
> "Why no traditional weapon and personnel inspection? Aren't we a company
> of 
> Amphibians?" 
> "Well, sir, if we had such a formation at all, you would be dismayed to
> see 
> more than a dozen of the troops in strange uniforms.  The American Civil 
> Liberties Union won its suit challenging our traditional dress and
> grooming 
> standards. So, we have Amphibians walking barefoot, because they charged 
> that because their ancestors did, they should be allowed to 
> demonstrate their ethnicity. Then, a group of our women challenged the 
> traditional requirement that lipstick and nail polish match the color of 
> the red cap cord on the barracks cover. So, a federal judge has ruled that
> 
> in order to  comply, any color of cap cord may suffice just as long as it 
> matches the color  of the lipstick or nail polish. Chartreuse or purple
> cap 
> cords appear really  strange on the uniform. Another of the women has 
> challenged the requirement to  wear a skirt, because it is a sexist 
> costume, so all women will wear slacks until further notice. You also have
> 
> Amphibians wearing ethnic-distinguishing headgear and jewelry. And, there 
> is more, but that's all I can remember for the  moment. The point is that 
> any attempt to hold a traditional weapons and  personnel inspection will 
> come off as a bad joke.  Besides, you won't want to hear about the lifting
> 
> of the ban  against earrings and nose rings." 
> "Oh, sir, don't forget that you have  office hours scheduled for this 
> evening after chow. A group of gay Amphibians  are requesting that, since 
> they are married, they be granted a housing allowance  and permission to 
> live off base. When our single heterosexual Amphibians heard of this 
> request, some of them demanded the right to draw a quarters allowance and 
> to move off-base as well. A civilian lawyer is representing them, and he
> is 
> prepared to charge discrimination if you deny the request." 
> "Then,  if all of these problems aren't enough to shoulder, I have a 
> personal situation that is vexing. Yesterday was the anniversary of my 
> marriage agreement with Samantha. My lifemate and I decided to have dinner
> 
> at the all-ranks club at Mainside. I guess that I forgot where we were, 
> because I ordered a split of  champagne. A RAAM (roving alcohol abuse 
> monitor) took my name. So, division is cutting orders to send me to 
> month-long alcohol detoxification treatment, followed by an alcohol abuse 
> course." 
> "Thank you, Jane, for staying  on top of the situation. I'm sorry to learn
> 
> that you were apprehended by a  RAAM. The situation reminds of my father's
> 
> tales of the 1990's, when  commanding officers counted the number of
> drinks 
> or beers an officer consumed at unit social functions." 
> Company commander Smith-Jones shook his head and wondered, not for the 
> first time, why he had opted to remain in  uniform after receiving his 
> regular commission following a successful trial  period of five years as
> an 
> officer.  This wasn't what grandfather and father had spoken about. Where 
> was the esprit de corps, that comradeship, that feeling of belonging?  His
> 
> grandfather had served as a Marine Corps officer in Vietnam after 
> graduating from the Military Academy; his father took a commission in the 
> smaller of the naval services after matriculating from the Naval Academy. 
> Nothing either of them described resembled what Company Commander 
> Smith-Jones experienced on a daily basis. 
> "Sir, battalion telephoned. The 6 wants you at 1300 sharp. I'm guessing it
> 
> is about the ruckus outside the EM Club last might." 
> "Company Commander Smith-Jones reporting as  ordered, battalion
> commander." 
> "The incident outside the EM Club is  just another problem in a long list,
> 
> suggesting that you aren't in tune with  the program. I've noted with some
> 
> concern your declining EAT and SAT scores." 
> "But, battalion commander, what about our record-setting  rifle, PFT, and 
> crew-served weapons scores? Reenlistment rates for my company are the 
> highest in the regiment." 
> "Those factors are inconsequential, company commander. Your continuing 
> unresponsiveness to the  problems of gender and ethnicity continue to
> cause 
> me grave concern. I have  no choice but to relieve you of your command. 
> Division will cut orders sending you to the six-month SACA 
> (sexual-and-cultural-awareness) refresher  course. I'm confident that you 
> will shape up as a result of TDY to SACA, ex-company commander
> Smith-Jones. 
> If you don't, then your career in the U. S. Amphibious Corps is over." 
> "I'm sorry that I've disappointed you, ma'am." 
> "Now that's just what I mean. You know that you are  never to use that 
> sexist appellation when addressing me." 
> 
</XMP>