> 1999 Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work. 
>     
> We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked 
> Back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below.  As much
> as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable.  For those of you 
> Who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the 1999 Survival
> Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.  Memorize these definitions and pooping
> at work will become a pure pleasure
> 
> ESCAPEE 
> Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal 
> Or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of 
> panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when 
> passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do 
> not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing 
> next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one
> likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or 
> laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. 
>             > > >> 
> JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee) 
> Definition: When forcing poop,several farts slip out at a machine 
> Guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this 
> Should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the 
> Bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. 
>             > > >> 
> COURTESY FLUSH 
> Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of 
> The poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed
> location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the
> bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. 
>             > > >> 
> 
> WALK OF SHAME 
> Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after 
> you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment 
> if someone walks in. As with all farts,it is best to pretend that the smell 
> does not exist. 
>             > > >> 
> OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER 
> Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will 
> often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or 
> magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the
> Closet pooper before entering the bathroom. 
>             > > >> 
> SAFE HAVEN 
> Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you 
> Can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite 
> sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the
> bathroom. 
>             > > >> 
> TURD BURGLAR 
> Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries 
> to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
> moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in
> the stall until the TURD BURG leaves. This way you will avoid all
> uncomfortable eye contact.
> 
>             > > >> 
> CAMO-COUGH 
> Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom 
> that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to 
> alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction
> with an ASTAIRE. 
>             > > >> 
> ASTAIRE 
> Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS> 
> that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is 
> occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the 
> pooper can poop in peace. 
>             > > >> 
> WATERMELON 
> Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet 
> water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON 
> coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. 
>             > > >> 
> HAVANA OMELET 
> Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in 
> the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH 
> with an ASTAIRE. 
>             > > >> 
> UNCLE TED 
> Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could 
> spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the 
> pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as 
> you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. 
> This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. 
>             > > >> 
> FLY BY 
> Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, 
> check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and 
> come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER.  People may 
> become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. 
>             > > >> 
>             > > >> 
>