> TO WOMEN EVERYWHERE FROM A MAN WHO'S HAD ENOUGH 
> 
> 
> If you think you're fat, you probably are.  Don't ask 
> us.  We refuse to answer. 
> 
> Learn to work the toilet seat.  If it's up, put it down. 
>   
> If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, 
> don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 
> 
> Don't cut your hair.  Ever.  Long hair is always more 
> attractive than short hair.  One of the big reasons 
> guys fear getting married is that married women always 
> cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. 
> 
> Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not 
> quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet 
> again! 
> 
> If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, 
> expect an answer you don't want to hear. 
> 
> Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.  Live with 
> it. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you 
> are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the 
> shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 
> 
> Sunday =3D sports.  It's like the full moon or the 
> changing of the tides. 
> 
> Let it be. 
> 
> Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to 
> think of it that way. 
> 
> When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you 
> wear is fine. Really. 
> 
> You have enough clothes.  You have too many shoes. 
> 
> Crying is blackmail. 
> 
> Ask for what you want.  Let's be clear on this one. 
> Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. 
> Really obvious hints don't work.  Just say it! 
> 
> No, we don't know what day it is.  We never will. Mark 
> anniversaries on the calendar. 
> 
> Peeing standing up is more difficult.  We're bound to 
> miss sometimes. 
> 
> Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you 
> think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 
> thirty, would look good with your dress? 
> 
> Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost 
> every question. 
> 
> Come to us with a problem only if you want help 
> solving it.  That's what we do.  Sympathy is what your 
> girlfriends are for. 
> 
> A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See 
> a doctor. 
> 
> Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 
> 
> Check your oil. 
> 
> It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take 
> the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. 
> 
> Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an 
> argument.  All comments become null and void after 7 
> days. 
> 
> If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and 
> one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the 
> other one. 
> 
> Let us ogle.  We're going to look anyway; it's 
> genetic. 
> 
> You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how 
> to do something but not both. 
> 
> Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say 
> during commercials. 
> 
> ALL men see in only 16 colors.  Peach is a fruit, not 
> a color. 
> 
> If it itches, it will be scratched. 
> 
> Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 
> 
> If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will 
> act like nothing's wrong.  We know you're lying, but 
> it's just not worth the hassle. 
> 
> what the hell is a doily? 
>