Just after I got married, I was invited out for a night with 'the
boys.'

I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ... promise! 
Well, the yarns were being spun and the drinks were going down  easy and at
around 3 am drunk as a skunk, I went home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started and cuckooed three
times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another nine
times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wits, even  when
smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
Next morning my wife asked me what time I got in and I told her "midnight."
Phew! Got away with that one! 
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked  her why
she said: 
"Well it cuckooed three times, said  "Damn", cuckooed another four times,
farted, cuckooed another three times, cleared its throat and cuckooed twice,
then giggled!"